There's a scene out of the holiday classic "Home Alone" where Kevin runs into a blatantly obvious mall Santa and says, "Look, I'm nine years old, I know how this works. I know you're not the real Santa, but I know you can get to him..." and he then proceeds to ask for his family back.
Welp,
I'm 38 and I also know how this works. I know you're not the real God, but I know you can get to him. I think you probably know better than anyone that there isn't a whole hell of a lot I believe in. But, one of the only things on this planet I do believe in, is her and I. This is probably going to be the closest thing I'll ever get to a prayer, so I really hope you appreciate and weigh in the effort when you hear the favor I need. So...here goes.
Sir/Ma'am
Please. Pretty please. Help her. You ask entirely too much from her. Throw it on my load, but please take it away from her.
Sincerely/Amen,
Me
P.S. Keep the change you filthy animal.
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